If you homeschool or have homeschooled in the past, you were asked about your childrens' socialization. Many times I truly believe that this is done out of genuine curiosity or concern, but other times, these terms appear to be wielded more like a weapon. I, like most homeschooling parents, almost laugh at the term and the concern that our children are being turned out like a factory commodity as unsocialized little beings just waiting to take over and destroy the world as we all know it. Most (and, yes, I know that is a generalization, which I generally avoid) homeschoolers are up to their eyeballs in socializing. Granted, it is not in a traditional way of 25 or so children of roughly the same age and backgrounds, but in a more broad spectrum of ages and backgrounds.
Homeschool children tend to volunteer in the community a bit more. Maybe it is because we have more time to do so, maybe it is in a difference in philosophy or outlook put on them by their primary role figures (their parents), who knows, but this volunteer work often mingles these kids with a broader spectrum of community. Homeschool families often tend to seek and find one another and share experiences or attempt some version of field trips, co op classes, play dates, what have you. Because the sheer numbers in any given group are quite limited these kids are almost forced by nature to form relationships across a broad range of ages. Homeschool parents tend to see this as a benefit. A "step up" so-to-speak to their public schooled peers. I often hear (and have frequently said myself) that the job place is not filled only with like aged and experienced people. It will run the full gamut of ages and pasts. That can be taken as a step ahead for the homeschoolers. I get that.
But, recently, I was faced with a situation that almost forced me to look at things a little differently, and I think in the process, I have finally seen what is meant by the 'lack of socialization' concerns. In reading my posts, you will have seen me struggling with my daughter asking to return to a public school setting. She admitted that homeschooling was good for her academically. She admitted that it was good for her emotionally and even possibly physically, but she continued to yearn for something else. It is that version of socialization that many of the non homeschooling opponents intend with their question. She wants to surround herself with like aged and like minded people that share a common thread.
She wants to be able to complain about the rules of a school system. She wants to complain about teachers. She wants to join a school based team sport and she even wants to face all of the very things that we as homeschooling parents often felt was our superior standing over public schools. The lack of drama. The lack of threat of bullying and violence. The lack of the peer pressures to go against the things she believes in. She wants to have the same complaints and concerns as her counterparts of similar age.
THAT is what she means by 'being normal'. THAT is what non homeschoolers mean when they state their fears of our children's lack of socialization. If it were simply the definition of being socialized, many of us could and do point out the various ways that our children are 'socializing' each and every day. And, we are right. They are. And, often, very well. But, it is a simple situation of the actual meaning we attach to the term socialization. We see it as our children's ability to interact successfully and comfortably in various settings and across a varied spectrum of ages and situations. The non homeschooler's meaning is often, that our children are 'missing out' on all of the (essentially) drama that ties them together with their peers.
I get it now. I do. And, I actually hold no negativity towards it. Really. I have two (very different) children. One thrives on this very thing. She craves the connection to be able to say, "yeah, I know. I went through that as well..." The other, says, "I have no desire to participate in that. I will contently visit with friends that I have made in various ways across various situations, and happily avoid that drama."
And, it is okay. I know I have given my daughter a good solid foundation to make good decisions in the face of difficult times. (okay, so she is a kid, she WILL mess up from time to time. That is her job as a kid, to mess up so that she can learn from her past, but I think all in all, for the big things, she is well prepared.) I had five years of her at home with me as her primary teacher. She shared various and many outside activities and experiences with people of many ages both being homeschooled and not. She makes better decisions and can carry on a better conversation than many of my adult acquaintances. I am comfortable with her decision. I am equally comfortable with my son's to not return to that setting.
So, the next time we as homeschoolers feel pushed against that wall and are facing, yet again, the words questioning what we are doing to our children by not giving them 'socialization'. Stop yourselves and ask yourself what the wielder of those words MEANS by those words. Is it truly about whether you expose your children to people outside of your home in various settings and situations, or is it whether they are learning a common experience that is not often obtained in a home setting. (the trials and such)
Maybe if we are able to see the true meaning of the question, we can finally answer the true question and all get past this one and on to the really important stuff. (I know, run on sentence, sue me) :)
heidi
No comments:
Post a Comment